Hot Chocolate.

On Wednesday we said goodbye to a friend going back to Australia.

Although I only got to spend a very short time with her, the time we did share was always truly special. But within this "farewell" it began to resonate with me the fact that in a little over a month, I will be in the same position. All of the tidbits of advice we gave her about "Don't worry, you will be back one day." or "we will have a reunion somewhere in the world someday" etc. would soon be applicable to me. Although I know from experience these things are true, it doesn't make me less... sad. Not sad in the I want to cry way, but Bologna and the people here have become such a part of my life, that saying goodbye is truly bittersweet.

Anouk, Elif and I 

Then, on Sunday, we said goodbye to Anouk. However, this goodbye for me was a bit more of a see you later. She lives in Leuven, so I know we will be able to continue our friendship in person in the foreseeable future. I definitely prefer the "see you soon" goodbyes than the "one day, somewhere, we will find a way to see one another again" goodbyes.

I guess it was sort of the same when KJ left. She lives on the East Coast. Our chances of seeing one another again is a definite possibility. But what about the people who have shaped my life, become my confidants, and that I have developed a deep friendship with who will be all around the world? Who says I will ever see those influential, important people again? I know there is Skype and Whatsapp and many other incredible technological ways to stay connected, but how can those things replace the many coffee "work" breaks where just the physical presence of another person bonds you? How can you replace late night rant sessions, emergency chocolate runs, impromptu trips to random destinations? How do you continue to keep a friendship strong within some sort of physical proximity? I guess of all the people I know, I should be able to answer this. Having lived far from my family for a long-ish time now and still maintaining a close relationship with them. But that seems different. I know I will see them again soon. I have spent the majority, if not all of, my life with them. In fact, I think my sister and I got closer since I left. How is that possible if in so many other cases relationships fall apart due to distance.

Ok, so I am not the only person who has left home. That example deals with family, not friends. However, I should be able to answer this also given by my being in a long distance relationship for almost two years. And when I say long distance, I mean different countries and half the time different continents long distance. How did I keep that strong? Can I do that with all the friends I want to continue to grow with? Is it too much energy for little return? Or should I let life run it's course and let the friendships serve their purpose and then fade away if that's what is meant to happen? How long should I expend the energy and fight before letting go? How do I answer these questions? Can I?

I guess the only thing I can do is put the energy into the people who also give it back. And then, I suppose, time will tell.

Pre-flight thoughts

Clearly it's been a while since I wrote anything here... not to say that nothing has happened because believe me, much has.

But as I sit here at 11:30 at night waiting for the final coals in the fire to lose their bright red glow, I have the chance to think about why I am so sad, yet happy, to be going back to Italy tomorrow.

I am happy because, come on, it's Italy. But more than that, I have friends there. A life. A team. Family. Add on the culture, travel, food, adventure, opportunity and why would anyone be sad?

The weird thing is, my sadness at going back reflects my happiness. I am sad because my time is t-minus 2 months before I leave Italy for my next adventure. The friends that I have come to treasure will be said goodbye to without any knowledge of when we will meet again. The classmates that have been my comic relief and always constant fellow suffers will spread across the world to make a difference. The team I have come to understand both on and off the field will fade into hilarious whatsapp messages and occasional faces on facebook. The families that took me in and made me feel loved when I truly needed familial care will be hugged for possibly the last time. The city that has become my home will become a set of memories that I can only convince myself are real because of the pictures proving I was there.

And of course there are my exams the minute I return ;)

No but really. I am sad because I know that when I get on that plane tomorrow it will be the start of the final chapter in Bologna. Of course I know that I will have to go back to graduate. Of course the world is small and someday I will return if I so choose, but if this second chance in Bologna has taught me anything, it is that it's not about the place so much as the people that you meet there. I cannot express how much this experience has been shaped by those I met. From the old familiar faces to the newest ones, I will truly miss my Bologna family.

Well it seems as though the embers have faded and thus I can head up to my comfortable bed for one more night of rest before heading back to my second home.

<3

It's been a tough week...

"'What and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'..." "I don't know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart..." 

I don't know. My heart hurts. I'm tired.

Food for Thought

What if we just blacked out the internet? Went back to letter writing, reading actual books, only socializing with those around us, and creating rather than consuming?

Today in my Music and New Media class we talked about our media consumption now versus 5 years ago and it got me thinking about how much technology I use now. It's sickening. My next thought was about how much people rely on, use, and consume via media. Does it stifle our creativity? Does it kill our social skills? Does it slowly rot our brains?

I don't want to find out, but in such a media-dependent society, how do you compete without also embracing it, using it, marketing through it, selling through it, etc.? How can you survive in the industry if you aren't on the internet using those channels that everyone sees?

When a goldfish has an attention span of 8 seconds and the average person has an attention span of 7 seconds something is seriously wrong.

It's like our generation is in a catch 22. We grow dependent because we have to in order to succeed but does that dependency lower our ability to succeed, grow, develop, create, inspire, be better? I feel stuck.

Just a thought.

It's Been a While Interwebs - Milan 2.0

I realize I haven't posted in a LONG time.

And that isn't to say that nothing has been happening that's worthy of writing down, sharing, remembering, etc. Because much has happened.

Home <3

I do want to offer some awesome highlights though: Wouter spent a month in the states (wonderful), Andrej and his mom came to visit us for about a week, went to my first Jimmy Buffett concert, my doctor read my latest bloodwork and for the first time in 2 years everything is completely normal (!), my thyroid is functioning great, so we decided to take care of the dizziness issue (got x rays of my neck) and found that I have a reverse curvature and a slightly rotated vertebrae so he gave me a fancy smancy new pillow. I got to see Sarah and Scott for a decent amount of time (Scott could have been there longer, that would have been nice) and spent some time with a few friends. But yeah, that was my summer in a nutshell!

However, the time from Bologna last Spring would all be very retrospective now, so instead I will just pick up on this 1st of September, my first full day back in Italy.

Alps, never get old

I left Budd Lake on Saturday around 6 pm. Luckily, I wasn't as upset to be leaving as I was last Fall. To be honest, I was nervous that that was going to happen. Especially since I was returning to Italy but to Milan, to a family I didn't know, a bit earlier than originally intended. (Quick update, I am spending a week with a family in Milan running a "fun" English camp for between 8-10 children). I learned from last year. I learned that preparation is key.  Mom and I went out to find me some pumpkin spice supplies and I found both Pumpkin spice chai tea and pumpkin coffee. As an added flavor I also got apple cider tea. Anyway, my flight was better than expected. They gave us BBQ chicken which was slightly better than the "meatballs" in July. My screen mostly worked so I watched two movies (they played on loop so you had to time it right): The Grand Budapest Hotel and The Face of Love. Both a bit different than expected. The first was really interesting and had that European film feel. Plus Jude Law. <3 The second was a bit of a mind game. It was half creepy and half beautiful. Kind of like a romance thriller... does that exist?

Anyway, I slept maybe an hour and landed safely in Copenhagen around 6 am local time. I have to tell you, that pilot made the smoothest landing I have ever experienced (aside from the one I slept through after Miami). I got through customs to my new gate and had about an hour to wait for the next flight. I boarded and had a short 1.5 hour hop over to Milan. Now on the way I started realizing all the issues I was about to face. My Italian phone had no money on it. I had to somehow contact Licia so I could meet her (the mom of my host family). I tried to turn on my Italian phone and it was dead. I forgot the charger cord at home (confirmed when my dad found the cord right where I asked him to check...woops). I had to figure out which of several buses I had to take to Viale Teodorico while carrying two heavy bags and a backpack. Needless to say, I had to keep calm and try not to panic. When I landed, I grabbed my bags and started the trek to the buses. I bought a ticket and asked several of the fast talking Italian bus workers which I needed to take. By the third one, I understood that I had to get on one bus and at the first stop get off and that the Viale was a parallel road to where I would be dropped. The first stop was at the airport still but then I was unsure if I needed to switch actual buses. Luckily, I stayed on and got off at the first actual stop which was a parallel road. Here is the issue though, without a working phone, I couldn't tell Licia that (thank God there was "wifi" on the bus and in the airport because at least I was able to spottily tell her what was going on).

Once I exited the bus with my large bags, I had no more wifi so I headed towards the Viale (I checked a map before getting off) and once there started heading towards where I saw a bus stop sign. Then someone in a car honks and yells "Heather!" as they pull to the side. Thank goodness! I literally was out of ideas after planning to walk to the bus stop. I said a quick hello to Licia and her daughter Fabiana and loaded my bags. We arrived at their house and took my stuff up to their apartment where I met her husband and son, got a tour of the house, and chatted with her about general information and details. We ate a typical italian lunch and then the family headed off to see friends for a few hours while I headed to the shower, still sweaty, exhausted, and with a few rope-like burns from one of my bags. After that I couldn't help but nap for an hour or two. When they got home I watched the end of the AC Milan game with the boys, we ate dinner, and I stayed up until about 11 in order to force myself to sleep a good nights sleep. With my fancy new pillow under my head, I slept like a baby until 7 am when I got up to close the blinds that I forgot to close and slept for another 2.5 hours.

This morning, although still a tiny bit tired and a slow to adjust stomach, I ate a bagel (from NJ) and worked on figuring out exactly what I am going to do with the kids this afternoon.

And that about wraps up my last few days of adventure.

Just another thought

I have just had an epiphany.

It can be completely amazing meeting new people all the time, but also completely exhausting. I guess what I mean is, with new people you feel the need to keep the conversation going, to learn details really quickly, and to decide whether you want to see this new person again, or not.

It isn't the same with people you are comfortable with. With them there is no pressure; No need to learn, speak, analyze, etc. It's not exhausting. It's easy. I think I have taken that for granted in the past.

Don't get me wrong. I love meeting new people. I love getting to know someone new or getting to know someone on a different level than previously. It is just nice to be able to go home and rest. As an extrovert, the right people revive me. I miss having that. That reenergized feeling. I don't know why this popped into my head now... maybe because i spent the past few days forging new friendships without having any closer friends in the area.

I don't know.

Just a thought I guess.

The Motherland

Finally! After 22 years I have made it to the only country I really KNOW is part of my heritage: Poland.

Okay, so I am in Wrocław not Włocławek (where my great great grandfather is buried) but still. This town is really interesting. It was completely destroyed about 65 years ago at the end of WWII and they have worked really hard to rebuilt it to its pre-war glory. You can definitely feel the WWII vibe and the buildings are this strange mix of bright colors and gothic architecture.

Celesté and I arrived on Sunday afternoon after a really great but long week of Torino, Florence, Milan, and Rachel/Jason/Liz visiting. When we got to the hostel, we literally thought we had been scammed because the building when you walk in looks run down and abandoned... but luckily the hostel is lovely and everyone super nice and helpful.

We walked into our room and immediately met our bunk mates: some polish men, a british guy, an asian guy who was sleeping, and two australians. We got to talking to the Australians (Joey and Jeremy) and decided to venture out and explore the city with them. When we stepped out of the hostel, it was down pouring. We decided to brave it anyway and wandered towards the center, well what we thought was the center. We ended up in a coffee shop where we got four cappuccinos. Then, out of no where, some random polish man who came in with his wife and daughter bought us and the workers all cake! So sweet. From there we decided to get something a bit stronger. We found this bar (Carpe Diem) that was down some alley, down some creepy stairs into the ground, and dark because there was no electricity. However, it was an amazing choice. We started with a shot each of this Polish vodka, Żubrówka, which was incredibly smooth. Then we each got a Polish beer. We stayed in this place for like 5 hours just chatting about life. When we got hungry we ventured out of the dark bar and got kebabs. Never again. They reminded me why I never get them. By the time we finished eating we headed back to the hostel to do some work and sleep. 

Proper Pierogis

The next day we headed out under cloudy, but dry skies to explore the city for real. We wandered all day finding gnomes around the city and taking in the polish sights. We stopped to get coffee again and to rest our feet. There isn't too much to say because we literally just walked for hours exploring the city center and trying to make sense of the Polish signs that none of us could read. At one point we went back to the hostel and played some cards before heading out again to find the lamplighter who in cape and top hat walks around Ostrow Tumski lighting lamps the quasi-old style way. We caught him just as he lit the final lamp. We were a bit bummed but all will be remedied the next day. For dinner, we went to this place recommended to us by one of the hostel workers to experience some good Polish food. We ordered a huge plate of pierogis to share and had planned on getting something after, however, we were so full when we finished that we decided to just call it a night. With dinner we all got Polish beers again, well I had mulled beer which was like happy in liquid form.

Also, being that it was St. Patrick's Day, we headed to the Irish Pub we found, where we were seated in the VIP section (because the waiter loved us- well because there were no other seats...) Still fairly early, we called it a night. 

The next day, the boys were off to Berlin so we played some cards and said our "see you laters" and Celesté and I headed back out to attempt to do some studying in a cafe and then explore some more. We made a point of getting back around 5:30 to stalk the lamp lighter, which we successfully did. We got dinner at the same restaurant as the night before and Celesté got Goulash while I got Bigos. Delicious. Then we called it a night as we were exhausted.

The final day, we saw the Panorama depicting the battle where the Polish beat the Russians, and visited the architecture museum. We ran into one of our new bunk mates and ended up grabbing lunch with him and walking around the city one last time. Then we headed out to catch our flight back to reality.

Breaking My Heart

Recently, there have been several articles going around about the Bill Nye vs Ken Ham debate of evolution vs creationism. 

The one I am going to respond to is this one:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/messages-from-creationists-to-people-who-believe-in-evolutio?bffb

Now, I am starting to get extremely frustrated. With everyone. All sides of the argument. Because in fact it is still an argument. No one was at the beginning of life on earth. I may believe one thing and whole heartedly believe that view to be fact, however, I don't go around saying to the other side, "because you disagree, your argument is not legitimate. You are dumb. Do you know nothing? Etc." Yet for some reason, that's all I see people doing. Whether it is the creationists saying that evolutionists have no proof or it's evolutionists saying that creationists "did not even bother to retain the most general knowledge concerning scientific theory because of their beliefs" (that is an actual comment on the buzzfeed posted above. 

I AM TIRED OF IT.

Both sides have legitimate reasons for their beliefs. Yes, they are both beliefs. Neither can be stated as fact, because were you there? I think not.

But there is only proof for one! But there is no proof for the other! 

Come on.

I personally loved doing research on both sides when I was in high school. I found proof that supported creationism and I found proof that supported evolution. These people in this blog have EVERY RIGHT to express their doubts, questions, concerns, etc. And yes the people in the comments have every right to answer back. It's the way in which both sides are going about it that is breaking my heart.

Today, all I hear, everywhere is that we need to be open-minded. We need to support people in their decisions and their lifestyles and in who they are. However, there is a fundamental issue that keeps popping up in most of the posts I see on a daily basis (whether regarding creationism/evolution, homosexuality/heterosexuality, religion, race, gender, etc.):

In most of these cases, its not just an argument over human rights or the creation of the world or equality, it is a struggle between two (or more) core values of the different sides. What I mean by this is that we hear daily that we need to be open-minded, however, we attack those who don't support the opposite side.

I AM TIRED OF IT.

When you talk to an evolutionist, their core being, their core beliefs, and their knowledge, research, what have you, has created a center in them that sees evolution as fact. Whether right or wrong. It is at the center of who they are. Therefore, when someone tells them that they are wrong, it feels like an attack on them, on "science" (I put this in quotes because it is still a theory, as evolution cannot be concretely, definitively, and undoubtedly proven. No human has been around long enough to see it occur. No one was there at the Big Bang whether is what exploding particles or God speaking it into creation), on everything they believe to be truth, fact, solid, etc.

Then, you have the creationists. At their core is most of the time a belief in God, in the creation of the world (whether that is in 7, 24 hour days, or 7, 1000 year days),  in religion, etc. Therefore, at the very center of who they are, they believe, without doubt, that God created the universe and in many cases that evolution (all other forms of evolution except microevolution=minor changes in individual species to adapt to their environment, ex: the changing over several generations of a foxes' skin/fur color to blend in with snow or desert) is untrue and that creationism is fact. However, just as with evolution, creationism is a theory, for the same reasons as mentioned above. Both sides involve a belief that something occurred.

Anyway, I digress. I am sick of people calling those who have different core and central fundamental beliefs intolerant, bigoted, miss informed, stupid, heartless, uneducated, etc. In most cases, they do not hate the opposite side. They simply disagree. We preach accepting all people, people of different, well everything, people with different core values/beliefs, people with different political views, different sexual orientations, people with different views on science, people with different genders, races, etc. However, all I see now is acceptance of those who support everything. How is it possible to support everything? When we have so many different core beings in people, how can we ask them to support something completely contradictory to them? How can we ask them to say that they agree with something even if they don't? But above all else, if we are aiming for acceptance of everyone's every things, how can we not accept those who disagree with us? Even if we believe they are in the wrong? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, unless it is different than our own. Unless we think they are unintelligent, miss informed, clueless, wrong...

I AM TIRED OF IT.

I am tired of evolutionists calling creationists uneducated. I am tired of liberals calling conservatives unsupportive and heartless. I am tired of creationists calling evolutionists proof-less. I am tired of conservatives calling liberals socialist. I am tired of the way we as human beings are treating other human beings. I am tired of hearing people preach about equality only to have those who disagree with particular choices in life told that they are wrong (because everything we act on is a choice. Whether you act on your vices or you choose to support something you know is wrong or right or you decide that you want to experiment with who you are or whatever. Everything we physically do is a choice. I don't care if you internally/emotionally/mentally feel something, if you act on that feeling, it's a choice). I am tired of feeling like to say any opinion involves walking on eggshells because God forbid I say something insensitive or that doesn't jive with the majority at the moment. I am tired of feeling like I can't have my own opinion. I am tired of seeing people needlessly fight over issues that will always be a fight, because like I said, we are dealing with peoples' core values, which are not something easily changed. I am tired of feeling offended, attacked, slapped, bombarded, etc. I am tired of feeling like I have to hide my thoughts, my feelings, my observations. I am tired of people not loving one another for who they are regardless of the differences between us all. I am tired of having to choose sides, because choosing sides means that everyone loses.

I AM TIRED OF IT.

This post may hint at my core, at my beliefs, at my opinions, etc. But honestly, I just needed to vent, without judgement, because I am tired of the judgement. I believe in love. I believe in its power to heal the deep cut wounds that these controversies have caused. I believe it has unique power to overcome.

I believe that this can get better. I just hope that others do too.

Thanksgivukkah 2013

Holy Cow, I never posted about Thanksgiving, let alone the past three months... woops.

I guess better late than never right?

From November:

I forgot to mention that the Thanksgiving dinner I went to was also the second night of Hanukkah and so our feast included latkas, apple sauce and challah as well as the usually delicacies of Thanksgiving. As most of you, my random followers, know, I was having a really rough time of it for a while there. Thanksgiving was absolutely incredible. Here's how it unfolded...

Full Plate

Virginie, my roommate, and I pre-made two pumpkin pies and headed over to Ilana's apartment to see how we could help as well as put our pies in the oven. The group was quite eclectic. We had three Americans, a Canadian, a French girl, some Italians, and a Colombian girl. I feel as though I might be missing someone, but to be fair it's been a while. Anyway, Ilana and Alexa sang their Hanukkah songs, lit some candles, and we sat down and proceeded to explain how Americans do Thanksgiving to the others. They had asked us what went first, second, etc. and we all just laughed and said, "Fill up your plate with a little of everything, then dig in." Overall the night was super fun with lots of discussion and eating and eating and talking and eating. The pumpkin pie went over really well too!

Breaking the Wishbone

I'm not really sure what else to write... It was delicious, the company was wonderful, and we shared some American culture of food and family far from home with friends from all over.

 I am so thankful for Ilana and Alexa hosting. I am thankful for the delicious food and wonderful company that made being far from home during Thanksgiving much better. I am thankful for the friendships that have grown both because of and since that night. <3

Pre-Gobble Gobble!

November 27, 2013.

It is such a strange feeling mentally knowing that tomorrow is Thanksgiving but atmospherically feeling like it's almost Christmas. I guess that is what happens when you live in Italy and Thanksgiving doesn't exist.

I almost don't know how to feel. I have six hours of class tomorrow as well as a tutoring session, which on a normal day is long day. BUT I also want to try and stream the parade or something during class (shh) or maybe somehow record/stream it later? Plus my neighbor is performing! I have to see it! Anyway, after six hours of class I am headed over to a second year GIOCA student's house (she went to Dickinson!!) and bringing my half constructed pies (yes pies. I am making two pumpkin pies! And Virginie helped with the crust :) so they can cook while we eat our feast. I am so glad that I have somewhere to have a real Thanksgiving. Without it I think I would be more homesick that I would like.

A tradition of Thanksgiving is sharing what you are thankful for. I am thankful that I get to have a Thanksgiving meal. I am thankful that so far my health is in a good place. I am thankful that I get to see Wouter in Bologna next week for the first time since we met. I am thankful to have Virginie as my new roommate. I am thankful that I have a family to miss so much. I am thankful for God's provision financially over the past month as well as his provision in those he has put into my life since I came back to Italy. AND I am thankful in general for the little things in my life that remind me that people love and care about me.

Now I will leave this post here but I promise (ish) to post after tomorrow to let you know how it goes!

<3 HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Art Leadership

Yesterday we had a guest lecturer from, go figure, Rutgers University. My James Abruzzo came to talk to us about Arts Leadership and how being a manager isn't always good enough. Sometimes leadership is the missing element to the highest level jobs within arts organizations. He made it sound like when we finally graduate from this program we will be able to get jobs, which in itself was encouraging. However, I have had so much leadership training and experience that while he was talking I realized that I am actually pretty good at most of the things he said were needed! I could dress up and go to fancy dinner parties and fund-raise all the time. I could respond to the needs of society. I could take risks and focus on the substance of events. I could change what people think is possible. I act ethically. I could encourage those around me and find their strengths if they don't recognize them themselves. That all sounds like me. Now all I need to do is get a degree and some experience and show that I can do those things.

But how?

Strangely, this program so far has been a bit too lax, too easy, too mundane. I was starting to think, especially after talking to second years and having them say that it doesn't really change, that maybe this wasn't the program for me. Maybe I should head home and apply for other programs like the CMU one or something. But after Mr. Abruzzo's talk, I realized that maybe this is what I need to be doing. Maybe next year I won't stay in Bologna or maybe I will. Honestly, whatever makes me most marketable. (fun side note, he talked about many of the NYC museums as well as NJPAC and the Liberty Science Center and mentioned the Enola Gay controversy I studied at Dson- I love being familiar with things!!)

I have hopes for this program. I have really enjoyed two of the classes. I mean we watched a Banksy film yesterday and have done case studies on Starbucks, Build-A-Bear, and Amazon. Those are the classes that can keep me here. Hopefully the other ones get better too. I feel more encouraged about the program, now if only certain other aspects would work out.

Pray for me?

Deja vu a Milano

I promised a post about my weekend in Milan so here it is!

Last weekend I didn't have class on Friday as it was a holiday in Bologna. Maybe for the patron saint San Petronio? I think that is what it was. Anyway, I grabbed a train and arrived in Milan around 1 pm. Then I decided to try and find this bagel place Ellen told me about that is a chain from Philadelphia. After wandering around for probably two hours, and not knowing exactly where the bagel place was, I finally found it. I ordered a NY Pastrami and Swiss (which cost like 8 euro) to go, and walked back towards the Duomo. I found a bench and tried the bagel. It was ok. I was slightly disappointed but I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. After all it was a Philly chain, not a NJ/NY chain. Man do I miss good bagels.

Then I texted Elisabetta and let her know that I was in Milan. She said I could come to the house, so I grabbed the metro red line towards Sesto and got off at the familiar stop. I had no trouble finding my way to the house. I passed the new graffiti in the metro tunnel, walked past the aperitvo bar that became "our" spot when I taught there, stopped in the pasticceria  to buy some pastries for the family, walked by the creepy yet lovable bar where we took our breaks and got our free wifi, and wound up at the green door of the apartment building. I buzzed the button and made my way up the two flights to my temporary home where I was greeted by Elisabetta warmly. It felt like I had never left. She and I spent about half an hour chatting before headed across the street to pick up the kids from school. I saw some familiar faces such as Filippo and Leonardo and their parents as well as meeting a few other people. Then Anita and Francesco came out and I was so excited to see them. Anita has grown up so much and has new glasses and is soo tall! Francesco has also grown a bunch and he was speaking way more, both in English and Italian, than the last time. I can't remember the exact details but I know we headed back to the house, Francesco went into the garden to play and Anita and Elisabetta and I all hung out in the house. Anita is learning guitar and she played some for me. She is so good! Then the three of us went to the office to see the new blue walls (they were painting) and to see Andrea. It was wonderful to see him again as well. Dinner was delicious as usual and after staying up for a while reading Peter Pan in Italian with Anita, we headed to sleep. I slept in the bed I slept in two years ago and it felt so normal.

Campari Museum

Francesco's Soccer Game

The next morning we got up around 8/8:30 so that we could have breakfast before heading to the new Campari museum with Anita, Francesco, Filippo, Leo, Elisabetta, and their grandmother. The museum was so modern and cool. Although the tour was in Italian, I was able to understand a decent amount and visually a lot of it is self explanatory (plus all the signs were also in English which helped). At the end we were given samples of non-alcoholic sodas from the new company Campari has acquired which were super tasty. Then we headed to Filippo's house for lunch. It was so lovely to spend time with that family again as well. Oddly familiar and different all at the same time. Then Francesco, Elisabetta, and I headed off to his soccer game. They won and he scored two goals. I was so proud of him. :) I now understand my parents' frustrations with soccer parents. They just yell "tira" (shoot) and "vai" (go) ALL THE TIME. It is quite annoying.

That night we had another wonderful meal and then watched Back to the Future in Italian with English subtitles. It was so strange with the different voices but generally I understood most of it! The next day the family took me to Bergamo. This beautiful, old city on a hill. We took a gondola to the top, visited a museum/house, and walked back down. I'll let the pictures do the talking:

 The city was so beautiful. Old cobblestone streets with flags hanging everywhere. Narrow alleys with hidden vines. Literally such a cool place to live. When we headed back to Sesto we had lunch with the grandparents and then I headed out to catch my train back to Bologna. It was super refreshing to spend time with the family. I was sad to leave. It felt like I should have been catching a flight or something when I returned to Bologna, because that is how things went last time. Anyway, I am so greatful that the Biffi/Viccari family is in my life.

Just a Short Thank You

Wow. The amount of feedback I have received about my last post is simply astounding. I honestly just used the previous post to hash through and get out all of the jumbled thoughts that were clouding my head. I didn't realize how honest I was being, or how much that honesty would affect other people. The support and love that people have showed me in the last 24 hours has been so refreshing. Thank you. Thank you for your love and support and for following me in this blog journey of mine. I didn't think so many people, both close to me and distant, actually read what I wrote. So thank you. It encourages me to continue being open about what I am feeling. So often I shut down and hide away.  Getting lost in my world of books or television shows or what have you. The only times I am able to fully disclose what's going on inside me is when I write in a journal, which is usually for my eyes only. I don't like the ugly parts of me. The mental and emotional struggles that I sometimes encounter. Does anyone really? Anyway, thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me and if you continue down this journey with me, expressing your presence or not, I will continue to be true and honest.

Thank you <3

Rainy Day

This past weekend I went to Milan and spent an incredible weekend with the family I stayed with when I taught for Alice in Citta. Although I had an incredible time with them going to the Campari Gallery and Bergamo and just existing in a familiar place, when I came back to Bologna a huge wave of homesickness hit me. That, unfortunately, is what this post will focus on. I promise to go back and write about Sesto at a later time but for now, my thoughts...

Last night I skyped my parents, and I feel horrible for what I put them through. I couldn't leave my video on because the quality would seriously decline, so the majority of the conversation was me seeing them but not them seeing me. And this is where it breaks my heart. I was hurting and homesick and just in a terrible place and started crying to them that I couldn't wait to be home. Don't get me wrong, I am learning a lot, making some incredible new friends, having a ton of fun, and getting involved like never before, but for some reason I couldn't hold back the tears. It must have taken them a lot of restraint to hold back their own while we skyped, and for that I am grateful beyond measure. Then I went to sleep after escaping into Gilmore Girls for a while.

I woke up and nothing changed. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. I mean getting lost in another world can only last so long. As I sat here on my computer killing time before class, I continued to watch Gilmore Girls and surf the web and the tears just kept flowing. The whole time I clenched my jaw and told myself to suck it up and STOP. Then it was time for class. It has rained the past two days, which normally I love, but today it became a reflection of myself. As I walked to class, embracing the rain on my face to hide my tears that still flowed freely, I did everything in my power to get myself to calm down. Of course it didn't work. I am pretty sure when I walked up to the circle of my peers that a few of them knew I had been crying. I acted like that wasn't the case. The sad/weird part about this story is that a few times I almost started to cry again and during class I even did. Which makes no sense as we were talking about public economics and then organizational decision making (side note: I love organization. So sad there is only one class left). I also told Cecilia and Willem about the cancer stuff. It was surprisingly freeing. They were so calm about it. (This was in a group chat during econ...sorry it's not the most thrilling class and they had asked about my scar)

After 5 hours of class, I rushed off to soccer, which I wasn't looking forward to because it was raining and clearly I was in a great mood, plus the last time I had gone, I hurt my quad as per usual. However, soccer tonight was my saving grace. Even speaking in Italian started to come more naturally and my quad held up which rocks. For those two hours I was lost in bliss. My body was doing what it does best, playing. After such a crappy (sorry Mom!) 24 hours I was able to completely forget all the troubles and struggles I have been facing. I forgot why I love this sport so much. And the best part? Even though we speak in Italian, the game is the same. It is universal. We don't have to have the same words to understand what we want done. I love that. Soccer, once again, became my solace. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated in a way I cannot explain. I am ready for tomorrow. And the day after. And so on.

Hopefully I can adapt better in the future, but for now, at least I know I can survive, even if that only happens after I have put on my cleats and run around with a ball soaking in the feeling of complete abandon. Sometimes I don't think people understand the joy soccer can bring. I really hope they get the chance to feel the way tonight felt for me.

See, a happy ending!

Living the Life

Last night was probably the most fun I have had since I got back to Bologna.

It was my friend Ana's birthday (canadian girl who saved me from losing my mind) so she had a bunch of people join her for an aperitivo. Now let me just tell you how much I love the International aspect of Bologna. There were 11 of us at this meal; 1 Canadian, 1 American, 1 Italian, 1 Chilean, 1 Spanish, 2 French, 1 Georgian (as in the country not the state) 1 Macedonian, and 2 Montenegrins. THEN later we were joined by a Pakistani and met up with three Belgians. It was such a fun dinner with several languages being spoken (mainly Italian and English) and tons of cultures coming together. I loved it. After sitting around munching and sipping for a few hours we headed to a club that was opening called Qubo. We decided to ditch the line when we realized it was only gratis (free) until midnight, but it looked like they weren't opening it until then anyway. Everyone wanted to dance and whatnot but they decided to stop at Cafe Paris first (those of you who read my blog previously, that is the shot bar Dickinson students frequent because it is a euro a shot). I then decided to head to Lab16 (another frequented place) because Daniel, Willem, and Cecilia were there and I wanted to meet up with them. The birthday group was going to come later on but they decided to go somewhere else so I ended up dancing the night away with my Canadian, Dutch, and Italian classmates. We had such a blast and sat on church steps on Via Zamboni for probably an hour and a half just chatting and learning fun things to say in Dutch. Although I didn't go to sleep until almost 5 am, my BBQ was cancelled today, it's raining, and my first soccer game will probably be cancelled today as well, I wouldn't change last night. It was just so fun and European and not wild and FUN. I don't even know.

New Topic.

I have met some more people since I last really blogged (of course being in Bologna and getting involved that will happen to you). I met up with two girls from Agape (the program Matt and Ashley did when I was here last time- they let me stay with them when I was bedless two times) who will be here for the year. Alicia and Kelly are wonderful. I am pumped to have some Americans who are also believers in the city to spend time with when I need fellowship or general American style food/beverages/celebrations. Plus they love games! I am pumped to actually spend some time with these wonderful women. Their stories are spectacular and they have such a fire. After being here last time and it being so dark for me, I am so blessed to have been plugged in so quickly. God really provided :)

Anyway, I am off to have coffee with Ana and have dinner plans with Thomas, Danial, Willem, and Cecilia, then Skype with the parents and possibly hanging out with Alicia and Kelly. Not bad for a rainy day ;)

Random Thoughts

22/9/2013

Week 1 Done.

I feel like I have been here for longer than a week but it has legitimately only been 8 days. I started crash courses on Wednesday, joined a women's soccer team in Bologna, visited my host family from two years ago, and have hung out with friends old and new. I really like my professors, although one of them makes almost no sense and unfortunately he teaches economics... which I have no idea how to do. I guess I will have to figure somethings out on my own. At least my classmates and I are all in the same boat :P

I also went to Ikea and finally got a pillow, a blanket, and some hangers, PLUS I got a candle that smells like home. :) My mind is in this weird state where I can't wait to go home for Christmas because I love being home, but I don't really want to leave (which is really good because I have a few months yet). I am also excited to visit my host family in Milan either next week or the week after! On top of that I am pumped for soccer this week! Goodness this post is terrible, but I wanted to record some of this stuff... oops haha

It'll also be nice when I can visit Wouter <3

Anyway, I might add to this later but for now I guess I am going to go, I think my new roomie is supposed to arrive soon!

Ciao <3

Via delle Belle Arti

19/09/2013

Remember that apartment I was excited about? Well, I GOT IT! However, I have to tell you all the story about how that happened. The morning after I saw the apartment I tried to call Margherita (the landlord) but my phone didn't have credit, which was weird since I bought a plan. Anyway, I bought some credit, tried to call her, got her husband who speaks no english, got her other number, called but it didn't go through, then didn't know what to do. So, I chose to walk around the two apartments and the University area hoping I would run into her or something. When I passed the Via Marsala apartment I was looking at, I ran into Ana, the Canadian girl who lives there now. Long story short, the number I had was wrong so she gave it to me and I called Margherita to say I wanted the room. Ana was the sweetest thing ever as she let me cry and finally release the fear and frustration I had been feeling, which apparently she had been through only two weeks earlier. We then got coffee and spent some time together until I was able to move into the apartment. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I met her. I haven't seen you in two days and it feels like forever but tomorrow we have plans which makes me happy :)

I have officially been in MY apartment on Via delle Belle Arti for 4 days now! It is located right next to the university (you literally walk outside my door and the library is right there) and it gets a lot of light. I have 4 flatmates so far; three Italian girls and one French girl. Apparently I finally have a roommate as well who will move in this weekend. Before I get to today, let me pick up my story from moving into my room!

So, Monday, the day before Orientation, I got to move into the apartment I would be living in. It is under my budget and although the room is small, I really like it. Hopefully my new roommate will be someone I get along with. Then Tuesday I spent the entire day in a room with all of my new classmates. We got a ton of information concerning GIOCA (Graduate Degree in Innovation and Organization of Culture and the Arts) and we had some time to get to know one another. On top of that, the International students had a meeting concerning all of the legal stuff we need to do now that we are here. Let me tell you, I was NOT looking forward to doing all of the things I needed to. However, so far it has all gone very well. All I have left to do is finish the Permessio process in October, Pay for my apartment, get a fiscal code and enroll in the University. Two of those should be done tomorrow! Anyway, our group is 30 students: 15 Italians, 4 Europeans, and 11 “others.” I am the only American here not associated with the Carnegie Mellon exchange program. There are two Dutch people, a German guy, a Macedonian guy, a Romanian girl, a Slovakian girl, a girl from Mexico, a girl from South African, two Chinese girls, and a Vietnamese girl. We are quite the bunch. Yesterday we started our crash course and surprisingly I have really enjoyed Strategy I and Organization! Economics is tomorrow so I may be speaking too soon, but I think it is going to be a cool program.

This time in Bologna is so different than the last time. I feel better. But on top of that I have already met so many international students (and even half crossed paths with Marcello Sav... remember him?!) and feel like this time I am not in a bubble. I am immersed in a different culture. Although I really want to travel and stuff, I am excited to be part of a community. I don’t want to travel every weekend (nor can I afford it haha) but rather explore the city and get to know it better than I did last time. In five-ish days I have already realized how little I knew of the streets. I am excited. Not scared anymore, which feels really good!

The other exciting thing that happened recently is that last night I went with Ellen (the director of the Dickinson Bologna program) to play soccer on a women’s team! I am so pumped! I am sure I will write about that all year but for now I’ll just say that I loved playing and it actually helped my hurt back! SOCCER=MAGIC.

Just saying.

Ready. Set. Here weeee gooooo! Round 2!

15/09/13

When I applied to the GIOCA Program in Bologna I was extremely excited for the opportunity to return to Italy. After being accepted I was still super pumped, however as the summer continued and the legal documents cost more and more time and money, I started to reconsider what I was about to do. I mean, was I crazy? Going back to the city that was one of the toughest experiences in my life? And this time alone? This time without housing or the distractions of other Dickinson students? What was I crazy?! Then the week of, important things still weren’t in my hands and I was still homeless. The terror began to seep into my head and heart. I didn’t have time to just “be” before leaving that morning. I rush packed, too much as always, and didn’t get to say goodbye to the Watrals or Tombs. I forgot how much I realized that I love fall at the house. I had found a rhythm and contentedness doing things around the house for my parents and being productive. I had energy again.

I cried the whole way to the airport.

I should be excited right? Not freaking out. Not second guessing the incredible opportunity I have been given. But nothing I said or did was helping. Then I travelled to Oslo, Copenhagen, and finally Bologna. The travelling just took forever and of course I didn’t sleep on the plane at all but finally some relief from the anxiety; I met an Erasmus student (Aaron) on my flight from Copenhagen to Bologna. He is German and was going to Bologna for a year. We chatted the whole way to Bologna, realizing we were staying in the same hostel and have met up several times since to head to the center or find the grocery store.

In my hostel room were two German girls travelling around and a girl from Austria (also looking for a room). I got up early Sunday and headed to the center to buy a phone and I had a 2pm appointment to see a room. There was a race going on in the city center which brought a ton of people out and the Wind store was actual open so I got a phone. Which was great because I then found some numbers of people renting rooms and met up with another woman who showed me two rooms, one of which I have decided I am most likely going to take! A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Also, I met another Erasmus student from Cairo today who played 3^rd tier national soccer in Egypt! He is pretty cool though.

We are the tasters, the very bad tasters!

My camp in Milan just ended which is really sad. I know the kids could drive me up a wall sometimes but I love them so much and could see they learned a lot. I am truly sad that I will be leaving tomorrow for Bologna and Monday for America after what 6 months?! AHH!

Last night, the other tutors and I went to this place in Sesto called Carroponte (spelled wrong...) which used to be an industrial hanger and has been converted into an outside stage. It was so incredibly cool! People just hung around in hammocks and drank and listened to music. It was so cool. We stayed literally until they kicked us out, shared some laughs, did some handstands in skirts, and just literally got to know each other better. It was seriously the coolest hang out place I have seen in Italy.

One of the other nights, which is now fuzzy in my head as it has been a while, we went to this diner style bar called Blow. We played Taboo and drank delicious banana coconut drinks. We were so obviously not Italian haha. Luckily this place was in Sesto and much easier to get to and from. I miss those tutors. I see Tania sometimes around campus but we haven't really caught up lately :( Oh well, it'll happen eventually.

Oh! So we did this play with the kids (hence the title of this post) that we wrote about chefs, tasters, and princesses. Davide's dad made me a copy of it which is great because whenever I want to see my kids I can just pop it in my computer and watch. Ask me to show you it. Because it is so cute.

This post was meant to be posted/finished months ago but I guess late is better than never!

As it draws towards a close...

I was so hating on Bologna for a while. That one post I had where I listed why I hate cities... yeah well I guess because it's now beautiful out and fun to wander around the city, I have decided I am actually going to miss it here. I mean, it can never replace how much I love grass and nature and whatnot but there is a culture and a freedom that I will absolutely miss. I wanted to write a post reflecting on my experience here. Things I have learned about the world, about Europe, about people, about America, about myself... but I feel like that's more of a conversation. I might touch on some of it but we will see. I apologize for the incoherent babble that is about to take place... welcome to the wonderful world of Heather's brain...

May 25- Literally I am sitting on my couch with the windows open and there is an accordion playing and a random trumpet jumping in occasionally... what is my life?! I will miss this. The city finally gains some life and we are leaving? How is that fair? Granted I shouldn't complain... I am in Europe for another month... but still! I am not ready to say goodbye to this place, this food, these people! All I know is that I want to come back. To Europe at the very least, but there is just something infectious about the Italians. Their passion and their love of life is beautiful. It isn't just them though. I mean I found that in the Croatians, Belgians, and Irish as well.

June 16- I left Bologna a little over 2 weeks ago and have spent the time since in Belgium, Amsterdam, and Milan. Being in Milan has been a strange experience because I only speak English with the kids but they speak Italian to me so my understanding continues to grow while my speaking stays the same, or even decreases a little. I don't want to leave but this job is so tiring. In a good way though. And I may even be staying a little longer as I might Au Pair... :)

June 19- Okay scratch the Au pair thing... I decided I wanted to see people and play soccer for the summer. Plus the family I wanted needs me the end of July which means I wouldn't go home... sad. Maybe I could come back? I haven't even left and I am talking about coming back... think I am hooked? Yes.

July 1- Back in America, spent one day in Jersey, headed to Creation, back to Jersey today and tomorrow to Cape Cod... it's so weird to be back. Surrounded by English, not having to translate in my head before asking something (which I keep doing...), and not actually being home yet... so tired. Time to finally post this one!