Rainy Day

This past weekend I went to Milan and spent an incredible weekend with the family I stayed with when I taught for Alice in Citta. Although I had an incredible time with them going to the Campari Gallery and Bergamo and just existing in a familiar place, when I came back to Bologna a huge wave of homesickness hit me. That, unfortunately, is what this post will focus on. I promise to go back and write about Sesto at a later time but for now, my thoughts...

Last night I skyped my parents, and I feel horrible for what I put them through. I couldn't leave my video on because the quality would seriously decline, so the majority of the conversation was me seeing them but not them seeing me. And this is where it breaks my heart. I was hurting and homesick and just in a terrible place and started crying to them that I couldn't wait to be home. Don't get me wrong, I am learning a lot, making some incredible new friends, having a ton of fun, and getting involved like never before, but for some reason I couldn't hold back the tears. It must have taken them a lot of restraint to hold back their own while we skyped, and for that I am grateful beyond measure. Then I went to sleep after escaping into Gilmore Girls for a while.

I woke up and nothing changed. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. I mean getting lost in another world can only last so long. As I sat here on my computer killing time before class, I continued to watch Gilmore Girls and surf the web and the tears just kept flowing. The whole time I clenched my jaw and told myself to suck it up and STOP. Then it was time for class. It has rained the past two days, which normally I love, but today it became a reflection of myself. As I walked to class, embracing the rain on my face to hide my tears that still flowed freely, I did everything in my power to get myself to calm down. Of course it didn't work. I am pretty sure when I walked up to the circle of my peers that a few of them knew I had been crying. I acted like that wasn't the case. The sad/weird part about this story is that a few times I almost started to cry again and during class I even did. Which makes no sense as we were talking about public economics and then organizational decision making (side note: I love organization. So sad there is only one class left). I also told Cecilia and Willem about the cancer stuff. It was surprisingly freeing. They were so calm about it. (This was in a group chat during econ...sorry it's not the most thrilling class and they had asked about my scar)

After 5 hours of class, I rushed off to soccer, which I wasn't looking forward to because it was raining and clearly I was in a great mood, plus the last time I had gone, I hurt my quad as per usual. However, soccer tonight was my saving grace. Even speaking in Italian started to come more naturally and my quad held up which rocks. For those two hours I was lost in bliss. My body was doing what it does best, playing. After such a crappy (sorry Mom!) 24 hours I was able to completely forget all the troubles and struggles I have been facing. I forgot why I love this sport so much. And the best part? Even though we speak in Italian, the game is the same. It is universal. We don't have to have the same words to understand what we want done. I love that. Soccer, once again, became my solace. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated in a way I cannot explain. I am ready for tomorrow. And the day after. And so on.

Hopefully I can adapt better in the future, but for now, at least I know I can survive, even if that only happens after I have put on my cleats and run around with a ball soaking in the feeling of complete abandon. Sometimes I don't think people understand the joy soccer can bring. I really hope they get the chance to feel the way tonight felt for me.

See, a happy ending!