Pre-Gobble Gobble!

November 27, 2013.

It is such a strange feeling mentally knowing that tomorrow is Thanksgiving but atmospherically feeling like it's almost Christmas. I guess that is what happens when you live in Italy and Thanksgiving doesn't exist.

I almost don't know how to feel. I have six hours of class tomorrow as well as a tutoring session, which on a normal day is long day. BUT I also want to try and stream the parade or something during class (shh) or maybe somehow record/stream it later? Plus my neighbor is performing! I have to see it! Anyway, after six hours of class I am headed over to a second year GIOCA student's house (she went to Dickinson!!) and bringing my half constructed pies (yes pies. I am making two pumpkin pies! And Virginie helped with the crust :) so they can cook while we eat our feast. I am so glad that I have somewhere to have a real Thanksgiving. Without it I think I would be more homesick that I would like.

A tradition of Thanksgiving is sharing what you are thankful for. I am thankful that I get to have a Thanksgiving meal. I am thankful that so far my health is in a good place. I am thankful that I get to see Wouter in Bologna next week for the first time since we met. I am thankful to have Virginie as my new roommate. I am thankful that I have a family to miss so much. I am thankful for God's provision financially over the past month as well as his provision in those he has put into my life since I came back to Italy. AND I am thankful in general for the little things in my life that remind me that people love and care about me.

Now I will leave this post here but I promise (ish) to post after tomorrow to let you know how it goes!

<3 HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Art Leadership

Yesterday we had a guest lecturer from, go figure, Rutgers University. My James Abruzzo came to talk to us about Arts Leadership and how being a manager isn't always good enough. Sometimes leadership is the missing element to the highest level jobs within arts organizations. He made it sound like when we finally graduate from this program we will be able to get jobs, which in itself was encouraging. However, I have had so much leadership training and experience that while he was talking I realized that I am actually pretty good at most of the things he said were needed! I could dress up and go to fancy dinner parties and fund-raise all the time. I could respond to the needs of society. I could take risks and focus on the substance of events. I could change what people think is possible. I act ethically. I could encourage those around me and find their strengths if they don't recognize them themselves. That all sounds like me. Now all I need to do is get a degree and some experience and show that I can do those things.

But how?

Strangely, this program so far has been a bit too lax, too easy, too mundane. I was starting to think, especially after talking to second years and having them say that it doesn't really change, that maybe this wasn't the program for me. Maybe I should head home and apply for other programs like the CMU one or something. But after Mr. Abruzzo's talk, I realized that maybe this is what I need to be doing. Maybe next year I won't stay in Bologna or maybe I will. Honestly, whatever makes me most marketable. (fun side note, he talked about many of the NYC museums as well as NJPAC and the Liberty Science Center and mentioned the Enola Gay controversy I studied at Dson- I love being familiar with things!!)

I have hopes for this program. I have really enjoyed two of the classes. I mean we watched a Banksy film yesterday and have done case studies on Starbucks, Build-A-Bear, and Amazon. Those are the classes that can keep me here. Hopefully the other ones get better too. I feel more encouraged about the program, now if only certain other aspects would work out.

Pray for me?

Deja vu a Milano

I promised a post about my weekend in Milan so here it is!

Last weekend I didn't have class on Friday as it was a holiday in Bologna. Maybe for the patron saint San Petronio? I think that is what it was. Anyway, I grabbed a train and arrived in Milan around 1 pm. Then I decided to try and find this bagel place Ellen told me about that is a chain from Philadelphia. After wandering around for probably two hours, and not knowing exactly where the bagel place was, I finally found it. I ordered a NY Pastrami and Swiss (which cost like 8 euro) to go, and walked back towards the Duomo. I found a bench and tried the bagel. It was ok. I was slightly disappointed but I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. After all it was a Philly chain, not a NJ/NY chain. Man do I miss good bagels.

Then I texted Elisabetta and let her know that I was in Milan. She said I could come to the house, so I grabbed the metro red line towards Sesto and got off at the familiar stop. I had no trouble finding my way to the house. I passed the new graffiti in the metro tunnel, walked past the aperitvo bar that became "our" spot when I taught there, stopped in the pasticceria  to buy some pastries for the family, walked by the creepy yet lovable bar where we took our breaks and got our free wifi, and wound up at the green door of the apartment building. I buzzed the button and made my way up the two flights to my temporary home where I was greeted by Elisabetta warmly. It felt like I had never left. She and I spent about half an hour chatting before headed across the street to pick up the kids from school. I saw some familiar faces such as Filippo and Leonardo and their parents as well as meeting a few other people. Then Anita and Francesco came out and I was so excited to see them. Anita has grown up so much and has new glasses and is soo tall! Francesco has also grown a bunch and he was speaking way more, both in English and Italian, than the last time. I can't remember the exact details but I know we headed back to the house, Francesco went into the garden to play and Anita and Elisabetta and I all hung out in the house. Anita is learning guitar and she played some for me. She is so good! Then the three of us went to the office to see the new blue walls (they were painting) and to see Andrea. It was wonderful to see him again as well. Dinner was delicious as usual and after staying up for a while reading Peter Pan in Italian with Anita, we headed to sleep. I slept in the bed I slept in two years ago and it felt so normal.

Campari Museum

Francesco's Soccer Game

The next morning we got up around 8/8:30 so that we could have breakfast before heading to the new Campari museum with Anita, Francesco, Filippo, Leo, Elisabetta, and their grandmother. The museum was so modern and cool. Although the tour was in Italian, I was able to understand a decent amount and visually a lot of it is self explanatory (plus all the signs were also in English which helped). At the end we were given samples of non-alcoholic sodas from the new company Campari has acquired which were super tasty. Then we headed to Filippo's house for lunch. It was so lovely to spend time with that family again as well. Oddly familiar and different all at the same time. Then Francesco, Elisabetta, and I headed off to his soccer game. They won and he scored two goals. I was so proud of him. :) I now understand my parents' frustrations with soccer parents. They just yell "tira" (shoot) and "vai" (go) ALL THE TIME. It is quite annoying.

That night we had another wonderful meal and then watched Back to the Future in Italian with English subtitles. It was so strange with the different voices but generally I understood most of it! The next day the family took me to Bergamo. This beautiful, old city on a hill. We took a gondola to the top, visited a museum/house, and walked back down. I'll let the pictures do the talking:

 The city was so beautiful. Old cobblestone streets with flags hanging everywhere. Narrow alleys with hidden vines. Literally such a cool place to live. When we headed back to Sesto we had lunch with the grandparents and then I headed out to catch my train back to Bologna. It was super refreshing to spend time with the family. I was sad to leave. It felt like I should have been catching a flight or something when I returned to Bologna, because that is how things went last time. Anyway, I am so greatful that the Biffi/Viccari family is in my life.

Just a Short Thank You

Wow. The amount of feedback I have received about my last post is simply astounding. I honestly just used the previous post to hash through and get out all of the jumbled thoughts that were clouding my head. I didn't realize how honest I was being, or how much that honesty would affect other people. The support and love that people have showed me in the last 24 hours has been so refreshing. Thank you. Thank you for your love and support and for following me in this blog journey of mine. I didn't think so many people, both close to me and distant, actually read what I wrote. So thank you. It encourages me to continue being open about what I am feeling. So often I shut down and hide away.  Getting lost in my world of books or television shows or what have you. The only times I am able to fully disclose what's going on inside me is when I write in a journal, which is usually for my eyes only. I don't like the ugly parts of me. The mental and emotional struggles that I sometimes encounter. Does anyone really? Anyway, thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me and if you continue down this journey with me, expressing your presence or not, I will continue to be true and honest.

Thank you <3

Rainy Day

This past weekend I went to Milan and spent an incredible weekend with the family I stayed with when I taught for Alice in Citta. Although I had an incredible time with them going to the Campari Gallery and Bergamo and just existing in a familiar place, when I came back to Bologna a huge wave of homesickness hit me. That, unfortunately, is what this post will focus on. I promise to go back and write about Sesto at a later time but for now, my thoughts...

Last night I skyped my parents, and I feel horrible for what I put them through. I couldn't leave my video on because the quality would seriously decline, so the majority of the conversation was me seeing them but not them seeing me. And this is where it breaks my heart. I was hurting and homesick and just in a terrible place and started crying to them that I couldn't wait to be home. Don't get me wrong, I am learning a lot, making some incredible new friends, having a ton of fun, and getting involved like never before, but for some reason I couldn't hold back the tears. It must have taken them a lot of restraint to hold back their own while we skyped, and for that I am grateful beyond measure. Then I went to sleep after escaping into Gilmore Girls for a while.

I woke up and nothing changed. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. I mean getting lost in another world can only last so long. As I sat here on my computer killing time before class, I continued to watch Gilmore Girls and surf the web and the tears just kept flowing. The whole time I clenched my jaw and told myself to suck it up and STOP. Then it was time for class. It has rained the past two days, which normally I love, but today it became a reflection of myself. As I walked to class, embracing the rain on my face to hide my tears that still flowed freely, I did everything in my power to get myself to calm down. Of course it didn't work. I am pretty sure when I walked up to the circle of my peers that a few of them knew I had been crying. I acted like that wasn't the case. The sad/weird part about this story is that a few times I almost started to cry again and during class I even did. Which makes no sense as we were talking about public economics and then organizational decision making (side note: I love organization. So sad there is only one class left). I also told Cecilia and Willem about the cancer stuff. It was surprisingly freeing. They were so calm about it. (This was in a group chat during econ...sorry it's not the most thrilling class and they had asked about my scar)

After 5 hours of class, I rushed off to soccer, which I wasn't looking forward to because it was raining and clearly I was in a great mood, plus the last time I had gone, I hurt my quad as per usual. However, soccer tonight was my saving grace. Even speaking in Italian started to come more naturally and my quad held up which rocks. For those two hours I was lost in bliss. My body was doing what it does best, playing. After such a crappy (sorry Mom!) 24 hours I was able to completely forget all the troubles and struggles I have been facing. I forgot why I love this sport so much. And the best part? Even though we speak in Italian, the game is the same. It is universal. We don't have to have the same words to understand what we want done. I love that. Soccer, once again, became my solace. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated in a way I cannot explain. I am ready for tomorrow. And the day after. And so on.

Hopefully I can adapt better in the future, but for now, at least I know I can survive, even if that only happens after I have put on my cleats and run around with a ball soaking in the feeling of complete abandon. Sometimes I don't think people understand the joy soccer can bring. I really hope they get the chance to feel the way tonight felt for me.

See, a happy ending!

Living the Life

Last night was probably the most fun I have had since I got back to Bologna.

It was my friend Ana's birthday (canadian girl who saved me from losing my mind) so she had a bunch of people join her for an aperitivo. Now let me just tell you how much I love the International aspect of Bologna. There were 11 of us at this meal; 1 Canadian, 1 American, 1 Italian, 1 Chilean, 1 Spanish, 2 French, 1 Georgian (as in the country not the state) 1 Macedonian, and 2 Montenegrins. THEN later we were joined by a Pakistani and met up with three Belgians. It was such a fun dinner with several languages being spoken (mainly Italian and English) and tons of cultures coming together. I loved it. After sitting around munching and sipping for a few hours we headed to a club that was opening called Qubo. We decided to ditch the line when we realized it was only gratis (free) until midnight, but it looked like they weren't opening it until then anyway. Everyone wanted to dance and whatnot but they decided to stop at Cafe Paris first (those of you who read my blog previously, that is the shot bar Dickinson students frequent because it is a euro a shot). I then decided to head to Lab16 (another frequented place) because Daniel, Willem, and Cecilia were there and I wanted to meet up with them. The birthday group was going to come later on but they decided to go somewhere else so I ended up dancing the night away with my Canadian, Dutch, and Italian classmates. We had such a blast and sat on church steps on Via Zamboni for probably an hour and a half just chatting and learning fun things to say in Dutch. Although I didn't go to sleep until almost 5 am, my BBQ was cancelled today, it's raining, and my first soccer game will probably be cancelled today as well, I wouldn't change last night. It was just so fun and European and not wild and FUN. I don't even know.

New Topic.

I have met some more people since I last really blogged (of course being in Bologna and getting involved that will happen to you). I met up with two girls from Agape (the program Matt and Ashley did when I was here last time- they let me stay with them when I was bedless two times) who will be here for the year. Alicia and Kelly are wonderful. I am pumped to have some Americans who are also believers in the city to spend time with when I need fellowship or general American style food/beverages/celebrations. Plus they love games! I am pumped to actually spend some time with these wonderful women. Their stories are spectacular and they have such a fire. After being here last time and it being so dark for me, I am so blessed to have been plugged in so quickly. God really provided :)

Anyway, I am off to have coffee with Ana and have dinner plans with Thomas, Danial, Willem, and Cecilia, then Skype with the parents and possibly hanging out with Alicia and Kelly. Not bad for a rainy day ;)

Random Thoughts

22/9/2013

Week 1 Done.

I feel like I have been here for longer than a week but it has legitimately only been 8 days. I started crash courses on Wednesday, joined a women's soccer team in Bologna, visited my host family from two years ago, and have hung out with friends old and new. I really like my professors, although one of them makes almost no sense and unfortunately he teaches economics... which I have no idea how to do. I guess I will have to figure somethings out on my own. At least my classmates and I are all in the same boat :P

I also went to Ikea and finally got a pillow, a blanket, and some hangers, PLUS I got a candle that smells like home. :) My mind is in this weird state where I can't wait to go home for Christmas because I love being home, but I don't really want to leave (which is really good because I have a few months yet). I am also excited to visit my host family in Milan either next week or the week after! On top of that I am pumped for soccer this week! Goodness this post is terrible, but I wanted to record some of this stuff... oops haha

It'll also be nice when I can visit Wouter <3

Anyway, I might add to this later but for now I guess I am going to go, I think my new roomie is supposed to arrive soon!

Ciao <3

Via delle Belle Arti

19/09/2013

Remember that apartment I was excited about? Well, I GOT IT! However, I have to tell you all the story about how that happened. The morning after I saw the apartment I tried to call Margherita (the landlord) but my phone didn't have credit, which was weird since I bought a plan. Anyway, I bought some credit, tried to call her, got her husband who speaks no english, got her other number, called but it didn't go through, then didn't know what to do. So, I chose to walk around the two apartments and the University area hoping I would run into her or something. When I passed the Via Marsala apartment I was looking at, I ran into Ana, the Canadian girl who lives there now. Long story short, the number I had was wrong so she gave it to me and I called Margherita to say I wanted the room. Ana was the sweetest thing ever as she let me cry and finally release the fear and frustration I had been feeling, which apparently she had been through only two weeks earlier. We then got coffee and spent some time together until I was able to move into the apartment. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I met her. I haven't seen you in two days and it feels like forever but tomorrow we have plans which makes me happy :)

I have officially been in MY apartment on Via delle Belle Arti for 4 days now! It is located right next to the university (you literally walk outside my door and the library is right there) and it gets a lot of light. I have 4 flatmates so far; three Italian girls and one French girl. Apparently I finally have a roommate as well who will move in this weekend. Before I get to today, let me pick up my story from moving into my room!

So, Monday, the day before Orientation, I got to move into the apartment I would be living in. It is under my budget and although the room is small, I really like it. Hopefully my new roommate will be someone I get along with. Then Tuesday I spent the entire day in a room with all of my new classmates. We got a ton of information concerning GIOCA (Graduate Degree in Innovation and Organization of Culture and the Arts) and we had some time to get to know one another. On top of that, the International students had a meeting concerning all of the legal stuff we need to do now that we are here. Let me tell you, I was NOT looking forward to doing all of the things I needed to. However, so far it has all gone very well. All I have left to do is finish the Permessio process in October, Pay for my apartment, get a fiscal code and enroll in the University. Two of those should be done tomorrow! Anyway, our group is 30 students: 15 Italians, 4 Europeans, and 11 “others.” I am the only American here not associated with the Carnegie Mellon exchange program. There are two Dutch people, a German guy, a Macedonian guy, a Romanian girl, a Slovakian girl, a girl from Mexico, a girl from South African, two Chinese girls, and a Vietnamese girl. We are quite the bunch. Yesterday we started our crash course and surprisingly I have really enjoyed Strategy I and Organization! Economics is tomorrow so I may be speaking too soon, but I think it is going to be a cool program.

This time in Bologna is so different than the last time. I feel better. But on top of that I have already met so many international students (and even half crossed paths with Marcello Sav... remember him?!) and feel like this time I am not in a bubble. I am immersed in a different culture. Although I really want to travel and stuff, I am excited to be part of a community. I don’t want to travel every weekend (nor can I afford it haha) but rather explore the city and get to know it better than I did last time. In five-ish days I have already realized how little I knew of the streets. I am excited. Not scared anymore, which feels really good!

The other exciting thing that happened recently is that last night I went with Ellen (the director of the Dickinson Bologna program) to play soccer on a women’s team! I am so pumped! I am sure I will write about that all year but for now I’ll just say that I loved playing and it actually helped my hurt back! SOCCER=MAGIC.

Just saying.

Ready. Set. Here weeee gooooo! Round 2!

15/09/13

When I applied to the GIOCA Program in Bologna I was extremely excited for the opportunity to return to Italy. After being accepted I was still super pumped, however as the summer continued and the legal documents cost more and more time and money, I started to reconsider what I was about to do. I mean, was I crazy? Going back to the city that was one of the toughest experiences in my life? And this time alone? This time without housing or the distractions of other Dickinson students? What was I crazy?! Then the week of, important things still weren’t in my hands and I was still homeless. The terror began to seep into my head and heart. I didn’t have time to just “be” before leaving that morning. I rush packed, too much as always, and didn’t get to say goodbye to the Watrals or Tombs. I forgot how much I realized that I love fall at the house. I had found a rhythm and contentedness doing things around the house for my parents and being productive. I had energy again.

I cried the whole way to the airport.

I should be excited right? Not freaking out. Not second guessing the incredible opportunity I have been given. But nothing I said or did was helping. Then I travelled to Oslo, Copenhagen, and finally Bologna. The travelling just took forever and of course I didn’t sleep on the plane at all but finally some relief from the anxiety; I met an Erasmus student (Aaron) on my flight from Copenhagen to Bologna. He is German and was going to Bologna for a year. We chatted the whole way to Bologna, realizing we were staying in the same hostel and have met up several times since to head to the center or find the grocery store.

In my hostel room were two German girls travelling around and a girl from Austria (also looking for a room). I got up early Sunday and headed to the center to buy a phone and I had a 2pm appointment to see a room. There was a race going on in the city center which brought a ton of people out and the Wind store was actual open so I got a phone. Which was great because I then found some numbers of people renting rooms and met up with another woman who showed me two rooms, one of which I have decided I am most likely going to take! A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Also, I met another Erasmus student from Cairo today who played 3^rd tier national soccer in Egypt! He is pretty cool though.