Hot Chocolate.

On Wednesday we said goodbye to a friend going back to Australia.

Although I only got to spend a very short time with her, the time we did share was always truly special. But within this "farewell" it began to resonate with me the fact that in a little over a month, I will be in the same position. All of the tidbits of advice we gave her about "Don't worry, you will be back one day." or "we will have a reunion somewhere in the world someday" etc. would soon be applicable to me. Although I know from experience these things are true, it doesn't make me less... sad. Not sad in the I want to cry way, but Bologna and the people here have become such a part of my life, that saying goodbye is truly bittersweet.

Anouk, Elif and I 

Then, on Sunday, we said goodbye to Anouk. However, this goodbye for me was a bit more of a see you later. She lives in Leuven, so I know we will be able to continue our friendship in person in the foreseeable future. I definitely prefer the "see you soon" goodbyes than the "one day, somewhere, we will find a way to see one another again" goodbyes.

I guess it was sort of the same when KJ left. She lives on the East Coast. Our chances of seeing one another again is a definite possibility. But what about the people who have shaped my life, become my confidants, and that I have developed a deep friendship with who will be all around the world? Who says I will ever see those influential, important people again? I know there is Skype and Whatsapp and many other incredible technological ways to stay connected, but how can those things replace the many coffee "work" breaks where just the physical presence of another person bonds you? How can you replace late night rant sessions, emergency chocolate runs, impromptu trips to random destinations? How do you continue to keep a friendship strong within some sort of physical proximity? I guess of all the people I know, I should be able to answer this. Having lived far from my family for a long-ish time now and still maintaining a close relationship with them. But that seems different. I know I will see them again soon. I have spent the majority, if not all of, my life with them. In fact, I think my sister and I got closer since I left. How is that possible if in so many other cases relationships fall apart due to distance.

Ok, so I am not the only person who has left home. That example deals with family, not friends. However, I should be able to answer this also given by my being in a long distance relationship for almost two years. And when I say long distance, I mean different countries and half the time different continents long distance. How did I keep that strong? Can I do that with all the friends I want to continue to grow with? Is it too much energy for little return? Or should I let life run it's course and let the friendships serve their purpose and then fade away if that's what is meant to happen? How long should I expend the energy and fight before letting go? How do I answer these questions? Can I?

I guess the only thing I can do is put the energy into the people who also give it back. And then, I suppose, time will tell.

Pre-flight thoughts

Clearly it's been a while since I wrote anything here... not to say that nothing has happened because believe me, much has.

But as I sit here at 11:30 at night waiting for the final coals in the fire to lose their bright red glow, I have the chance to think about why I am so sad, yet happy, to be going back to Italy tomorrow.

I am happy because, come on, it's Italy. But more than that, I have friends there. A life. A team. Family. Add on the culture, travel, food, adventure, opportunity and why would anyone be sad?

The weird thing is, my sadness at going back reflects my happiness. I am sad because my time is t-minus 2 months before I leave Italy for my next adventure. The friends that I have come to treasure will be said goodbye to without any knowledge of when we will meet again. The classmates that have been my comic relief and always constant fellow suffers will spread across the world to make a difference. The team I have come to understand both on and off the field will fade into hilarious whatsapp messages and occasional faces on facebook. The families that took me in and made me feel loved when I truly needed familial care will be hugged for possibly the last time. The city that has become my home will become a set of memories that I can only convince myself are real because of the pictures proving I was there.

And of course there are my exams the minute I return ;)

No but really. I am sad because I know that when I get on that plane tomorrow it will be the start of the final chapter in Bologna. Of course I know that I will have to go back to graduate. Of course the world is small and someday I will return if I so choose, but if this second chance in Bologna has taught me anything, it is that it's not about the place so much as the people that you meet there. I cannot express how much this experience has been shaped by those I met. From the old familiar faces to the newest ones, I will truly miss my Bologna family.

Well it seems as though the embers have faded and thus I can head up to my comfortable bed for one more night of rest before heading back to my second home.

<3