Art Leadership

Yesterday we had a guest lecturer from, go figure, Rutgers University. My James Abruzzo came to talk to us about Arts Leadership and how being a manager isn't always good enough. Sometimes leadership is the missing element to the highest level jobs within arts organizations. He made it sound like when we finally graduate from this program we will be able to get jobs, which in itself was encouraging. However, I have had so much leadership training and experience that while he was talking I realized that I am actually pretty good at most of the things he said were needed! I could dress up and go to fancy dinner parties and fund-raise all the time. I could respond to the needs of society. I could take risks and focus on the substance of events. I could change what people think is possible. I act ethically. I could encourage those around me and find their strengths if they don't recognize them themselves. That all sounds like me. Now all I need to do is get a degree and some experience and show that I can do those things.

But how?

Strangely, this program so far has been a bit too lax, too easy, too mundane. I was starting to think, especially after talking to second years and having them say that it doesn't really change, that maybe this wasn't the program for me. Maybe I should head home and apply for other programs like the CMU one or something. But after Mr. Abruzzo's talk, I realized that maybe this is what I need to be doing. Maybe next year I won't stay in Bologna or maybe I will. Honestly, whatever makes me most marketable. (fun side note, he talked about many of the NYC museums as well as NJPAC and the Liberty Science Center and mentioned the Enola Gay controversy I studied at Dson- I love being familiar with things!!)

I have hopes for this program. I have really enjoyed two of the classes. I mean we watched a Banksy film yesterday and have done case studies on Starbucks, Build-A-Bear, and Amazon. Those are the classes that can keep me here. Hopefully the other ones get better too. I feel more encouraged about the program, now if only certain other aspects would work out.

Pray for me?

Deja vu a Milano

I promised a post about my weekend in Milan so here it is!

Last weekend I didn't have class on Friday as it was a holiday in Bologna. Maybe for the patron saint San Petronio? I think that is what it was. Anyway, I grabbed a train and arrived in Milan around 1 pm. Then I decided to try and find this bagel place Ellen told me about that is a chain from Philadelphia. After wandering around for probably two hours, and not knowing exactly where the bagel place was, I finally found it. I ordered a NY Pastrami and Swiss (which cost like 8 euro) to go, and walked back towards the Duomo. I found a bench and tried the bagel. It was ok. I was slightly disappointed but I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. After all it was a Philly chain, not a NJ/NY chain. Man do I miss good bagels.

Then I texted Elisabetta and let her know that I was in Milan. She said I could come to the house, so I grabbed the metro red line towards Sesto and got off at the familiar stop. I had no trouble finding my way to the house. I passed the new graffiti in the metro tunnel, walked past the aperitvo bar that became "our" spot when I taught there, stopped in the pasticceria  to buy some pastries for the family, walked by the creepy yet lovable bar where we took our breaks and got our free wifi, and wound up at the green door of the apartment building. I buzzed the button and made my way up the two flights to my temporary home where I was greeted by Elisabetta warmly. It felt like I had never left. She and I spent about half an hour chatting before headed across the street to pick up the kids from school. I saw some familiar faces such as Filippo and Leonardo and their parents as well as meeting a few other people. Then Anita and Francesco came out and I was so excited to see them. Anita has grown up so much and has new glasses and is soo tall! Francesco has also grown a bunch and he was speaking way more, both in English and Italian, than the last time. I can't remember the exact details but I know we headed back to the house, Francesco went into the garden to play and Anita and Elisabetta and I all hung out in the house. Anita is learning guitar and she played some for me. She is so good! Then the three of us went to the office to see the new blue walls (they were painting) and to see Andrea. It was wonderful to see him again as well. Dinner was delicious as usual and after staying up for a while reading Peter Pan in Italian with Anita, we headed to sleep. I slept in the bed I slept in two years ago and it felt so normal.

Campari Museum

Francesco's Soccer Game

The next morning we got up around 8/8:30 so that we could have breakfast before heading to the new Campari museum with Anita, Francesco, Filippo, Leo, Elisabetta, and their grandmother. The museum was so modern and cool. Although the tour was in Italian, I was able to understand a decent amount and visually a lot of it is self explanatory (plus all the signs were also in English which helped). At the end we were given samples of non-alcoholic sodas from the new company Campari has acquired which were super tasty. Then we headed to Filippo's house for lunch. It was so lovely to spend time with that family again as well. Oddly familiar and different all at the same time. Then Francesco, Elisabetta, and I headed off to his soccer game. They won and he scored two goals. I was so proud of him. :) I now understand my parents' frustrations with soccer parents. They just yell "tira" (shoot) and "vai" (go) ALL THE TIME. It is quite annoying.

That night we had another wonderful meal and then watched Back to the Future in Italian with English subtitles. It was so strange with the different voices but generally I understood most of it! The next day the family took me to Bergamo. This beautiful, old city on a hill. We took a gondola to the top, visited a museum/house, and walked back down. I'll let the pictures do the talking:

 The city was so beautiful. Old cobblestone streets with flags hanging everywhere. Narrow alleys with hidden vines. Literally such a cool place to live. When we headed back to Sesto we had lunch with the grandparents and then I headed out to catch my train back to Bologna. It was super refreshing to spend time with the family. I was sad to leave. It felt like I should have been catching a flight or something when I returned to Bologna, because that is how things went last time. Anyway, I am so greatful that the Biffi/Viccari family is in my life.

Just a Short Thank You

Wow. The amount of feedback I have received about my last post is simply astounding. I honestly just used the previous post to hash through and get out all of the jumbled thoughts that were clouding my head. I didn't realize how honest I was being, or how much that honesty would affect other people. The support and love that people have showed me in the last 24 hours has been so refreshing. Thank you. Thank you for your love and support and for following me in this blog journey of mine. I didn't think so many people, both close to me and distant, actually read what I wrote. So thank you. It encourages me to continue being open about what I am feeling. So often I shut down and hide away.  Getting lost in my world of books or television shows or what have you. The only times I am able to fully disclose what's going on inside me is when I write in a journal, which is usually for my eyes only. I don't like the ugly parts of me. The mental and emotional struggles that I sometimes encounter. Does anyone really? Anyway, thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me and if you continue down this journey with me, expressing your presence or not, I will continue to be true and honest.

Thank you <3

Rainy Day

This past weekend I went to Milan and spent an incredible weekend with the family I stayed with when I taught for Alice in Citta. Although I had an incredible time with them going to the Campari Gallery and Bergamo and just existing in a familiar place, when I came back to Bologna a huge wave of homesickness hit me. That, unfortunately, is what this post will focus on. I promise to go back and write about Sesto at a later time but for now, my thoughts...

Last night I skyped my parents, and I feel horrible for what I put them through. I couldn't leave my video on because the quality would seriously decline, so the majority of the conversation was me seeing them but not them seeing me. And this is where it breaks my heart. I was hurting and homesick and just in a terrible place and started crying to them that I couldn't wait to be home. Don't get me wrong, I am learning a lot, making some incredible new friends, having a ton of fun, and getting involved like never before, but for some reason I couldn't hold back the tears. It must have taken them a lot of restraint to hold back their own while we skyped, and for that I am grateful beyond measure. Then I went to sleep after escaping into Gilmore Girls for a while.

I woke up and nothing changed. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. I mean getting lost in another world can only last so long. As I sat here on my computer killing time before class, I continued to watch Gilmore Girls and surf the web and the tears just kept flowing. The whole time I clenched my jaw and told myself to suck it up and STOP. Then it was time for class. It has rained the past two days, which normally I love, but today it became a reflection of myself. As I walked to class, embracing the rain on my face to hide my tears that still flowed freely, I did everything in my power to get myself to calm down. Of course it didn't work. I am pretty sure when I walked up to the circle of my peers that a few of them knew I had been crying. I acted like that wasn't the case. The sad/weird part about this story is that a few times I almost started to cry again and during class I even did. Which makes no sense as we were talking about public economics and then organizational decision making (side note: I love organization. So sad there is only one class left). I also told Cecilia and Willem about the cancer stuff. It was surprisingly freeing. They were so calm about it. (This was in a group chat during econ...sorry it's not the most thrilling class and they had asked about my scar)

After 5 hours of class, I rushed off to soccer, which I wasn't looking forward to because it was raining and clearly I was in a great mood, plus the last time I had gone, I hurt my quad as per usual. However, soccer tonight was my saving grace. Even speaking in Italian started to come more naturally and my quad held up which rocks. For those two hours I was lost in bliss. My body was doing what it does best, playing. After such a crappy (sorry Mom!) 24 hours I was able to completely forget all the troubles and struggles I have been facing. I forgot why I love this sport so much. And the best part? Even though we speak in Italian, the game is the same. It is universal. We don't have to have the same words to understand what we want done. I love that. Soccer, once again, became my solace. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated in a way I cannot explain. I am ready for tomorrow. And the day after. And so on.

Hopefully I can adapt better in the future, but for now, at least I know I can survive, even if that only happens after I have put on my cleats and run around with a ball soaking in the feeling of complete abandon. Sometimes I don't think people understand the joy soccer can bring. I really hope they get the chance to feel the way tonight felt for me.

See, a happy ending!