It's been a tough week...

"'What and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'..." "I don't know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart..." 

I don't know. My heart hurts. I'm tired.

Food for Thought

What if we just blacked out the internet? Went back to letter writing, reading actual books, only socializing with those around us, and creating rather than consuming?

Today in my Music and New Media class we talked about our media consumption now versus 5 years ago and it got me thinking about how much technology I use now. It's sickening. My next thought was about how much people rely on, use, and consume via media. Does it stifle our creativity? Does it kill our social skills? Does it slowly rot our brains?

I don't want to find out, but in such a media-dependent society, how do you compete without also embracing it, using it, marketing through it, selling through it, etc.? How can you survive in the industry if you aren't on the internet using those channels that everyone sees?

When a goldfish has an attention span of 8 seconds and the average person has an attention span of 7 seconds something is seriously wrong.

It's like our generation is in a catch 22. We grow dependent because we have to in order to succeed but does that dependency lower our ability to succeed, grow, develop, create, inspire, be better? I feel stuck.

Just a thought.

It's Been a While Interwebs - Milan 2.0

I realize I haven't posted in a LONG time.

And that isn't to say that nothing has been happening that's worthy of writing down, sharing, remembering, etc. Because much has happened.

Home <3

I do want to offer some awesome highlights though: Wouter spent a month in the states (wonderful), Andrej and his mom came to visit us for about a week, went to my first Jimmy Buffett concert, my doctor read my latest bloodwork and for the first time in 2 years everything is completely normal (!), my thyroid is functioning great, so we decided to take care of the dizziness issue (got x rays of my neck) and found that I have a reverse curvature and a slightly rotated vertebrae so he gave me a fancy smancy new pillow. I got to see Sarah and Scott for a decent amount of time (Scott could have been there longer, that would have been nice) and spent some time with a few friends. But yeah, that was my summer in a nutshell!

However, the time from Bologna last Spring would all be very retrospective now, so instead I will just pick up on this 1st of September, my first full day back in Italy.

Alps, never get old

I left Budd Lake on Saturday around 6 pm. Luckily, I wasn't as upset to be leaving as I was last Fall. To be honest, I was nervous that that was going to happen. Especially since I was returning to Italy but to Milan, to a family I didn't know, a bit earlier than originally intended. (Quick update, I am spending a week with a family in Milan running a "fun" English camp for between 8-10 children). I learned from last year. I learned that preparation is key.  Mom and I went out to find me some pumpkin spice supplies and I found both Pumpkin spice chai tea and pumpkin coffee. As an added flavor I also got apple cider tea. Anyway, my flight was better than expected. They gave us BBQ chicken which was slightly better than the "meatballs" in July. My screen mostly worked so I watched two movies (they played on loop so you had to time it right): The Grand Budapest Hotel and The Face of Love. Both a bit different than expected. The first was really interesting and had that European film feel. Plus Jude Law. <3 The second was a bit of a mind game. It was half creepy and half beautiful. Kind of like a romance thriller... does that exist?

Anyway, I slept maybe an hour and landed safely in Copenhagen around 6 am local time. I have to tell you, that pilot made the smoothest landing I have ever experienced (aside from the one I slept through after Miami). I got through customs to my new gate and had about an hour to wait for the next flight. I boarded and had a short 1.5 hour hop over to Milan. Now on the way I started realizing all the issues I was about to face. My Italian phone had no money on it. I had to somehow contact Licia so I could meet her (the mom of my host family). I tried to turn on my Italian phone and it was dead. I forgot the charger cord at home (confirmed when my dad found the cord right where I asked him to check...woops). I had to figure out which of several buses I had to take to Viale Teodorico while carrying two heavy bags and a backpack. Needless to say, I had to keep calm and try not to panic. When I landed, I grabbed my bags and started the trek to the buses. I bought a ticket and asked several of the fast talking Italian bus workers which I needed to take. By the third one, I understood that I had to get on one bus and at the first stop get off and that the Viale was a parallel road to where I would be dropped. The first stop was at the airport still but then I was unsure if I needed to switch actual buses. Luckily, I stayed on and got off at the first actual stop which was a parallel road. Here is the issue though, without a working phone, I couldn't tell Licia that (thank God there was "wifi" on the bus and in the airport because at least I was able to spottily tell her what was going on).

Once I exited the bus with my large bags, I had no more wifi so I headed towards the Viale (I checked a map before getting off) and once there started heading towards where I saw a bus stop sign. Then someone in a car honks and yells "Heather!" as they pull to the side. Thank goodness! I literally was out of ideas after planning to walk to the bus stop. I said a quick hello to Licia and her daughter Fabiana and loaded my bags. We arrived at their house and took my stuff up to their apartment where I met her husband and son, got a tour of the house, and chatted with her about general information and details. We ate a typical italian lunch and then the family headed off to see friends for a few hours while I headed to the shower, still sweaty, exhausted, and with a few rope-like burns from one of my bags. After that I couldn't help but nap for an hour or two. When they got home I watched the end of the AC Milan game with the boys, we ate dinner, and I stayed up until about 11 in order to force myself to sleep a good nights sleep. With my fancy new pillow under my head, I slept like a baby until 7 am when I got up to close the blinds that I forgot to close and slept for another 2.5 hours.

This morning, although still a tiny bit tired and a slow to adjust stomach, I ate a bagel (from NJ) and worked on figuring out exactly what I am going to do with the kids this afternoon.

And that about wraps up my last few days of adventure.

Just another thought

I have just had an epiphany.

It can be completely amazing meeting new people all the time, but also completely exhausting. I guess what I mean is, with new people you feel the need to keep the conversation going, to learn details really quickly, and to decide whether you want to see this new person again, or not.

It isn't the same with people you are comfortable with. With them there is no pressure; No need to learn, speak, analyze, etc. It's not exhausting. It's easy. I think I have taken that for granted in the past.

Don't get me wrong. I love meeting new people. I love getting to know someone new or getting to know someone on a different level than previously. It is just nice to be able to go home and rest. As an extrovert, the right people revive me. I miss having that. That reenergized feeling. I don't know why this popped into my head now... maybe because i spent the past few days forging new friendships without having any closer friends in the area.

I don't know.

Just a thought I guess.

The Motherland

Finally! After 22 years I have made it to the only country I really KNOW is part of my heritage: Poland.

Okay, so I am in Wrocław not Włocławek (where my great great grandfather is buried) but still. This town is really interesting. It was completely destroyed about 65 years ago at the end of WWII and they have worked really hard to rebuilt it to its pre-war glory. You can definitely feel the WWII vibe and the buildings are this strange mix of bright colors and gothic architecture.

Celesté and I arrived on Sunday afternoon after a really great but long week of Torino, Florence, Milan, and Rachel/Jason/Liz visiting. When we got to the hostel, we literally thought we had been scammed because the building when you walk in looks run down and abandoned... but luckily the hostel is lovely and everyone super nice and helpful.

We walked into our room and immediately met our bunk mates: some polish men, a british guy, an asian guy who was sleeping, and two australians. We got to talking to the Australians (Joey and Jeremy) and decided to venture out and explore the city with them. When we stepped out of the hostel, it was down pouring. We decided to brave it anyway and wandered towards the center, well what we thought was the center. We ended up in a coffee shop where we got four cappuccinos. Then, out of no where, some random polish man who came in with his wife and daughter bought us and the workers all cake! So sweet. From there we decided to get something a bit stronger. We found this bar (Carpe Diem) that was down some alley, down some creepy stairs into the ground, and dark because there was no electricity. However, it was an amazing choice. We started with a shot each of this Polish vodka, Żubrówka, which was incredibly smooth. Then we each got a Polish beer. We stayed in this place for like 5 hours just chatting about life. When we got hungry we ventured out of the dark bar and got kebabs. Never again. They reminded me why I never get them. By the time we finished eating we headed back to the hostel to do some work and sleep. 

Proper Pierogis

The next day we headed out under cloudy, but dry skies to explore the city for real. We wandered all day finding gnomes around the city and taking in the polish sights. We stopped to get coffee again and to rest our feet. There isn't too much to say because we literally just walked for hours exploring the city center and trying to make sense of the Polish signs that none of us could read. At one point we went back to the hostel and played some cards before heading out again to find the lamplighter who in cape and top hat walks around Ostrow Tumski lighting lamps the quasi-old style way. We caught him just as he lit the final lamp. We were a bit bummed but all will be remedied the next day. For dinner, we went to this place recommended to us by one of the hostel workers to experience some good Polish food. We ordered a huge plate of pierogis to share and had planned on getting something after, however, we were so full when we finished that we decided to just call it a night. With dinner we all got Polish beers again, well I had mulled beer which was like happy in liquid form.

Also, being that it was St. Patrick's Day, we headed to the Irish Pub we found, where we were seated in the VIP section (because the waiter loved us- well because there were no other seats...) Still fairly early, we called it a night. 

The next day, the boys were off to Berlin so we played some cards and said our "see you laters" and Celesté and I headed back out to attempt to do some studying in a cafe and then explore some more. We made a point of getting back around 5:30 to stalk the lamp lighter, which we successfully did. We got dinner at the same restaurant as the night before and Celesté got Goulash while I got Bigos. Delicious. Then we called it a night as we were exhausted.

The final day, we saw the Panorama depicting the battle where the Polish beat the Russians, and visited the architecture museum. We ran into one of our new bunk mates and ended up grabbing lunch with him and walking around the city one last time. Then we headed out to catch our flight back to reality.

Breaking My Heart

Recently, there have been several articles going around about the Bill Nye vs Ken Ham debate of evolution vs creationism. 

The one I am going to respond to is this one:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/messages-from-creationists-to-people-who-believe-in-evolutio?bffb

Now, I am starting to get extremely frustrated. With everyone. All sides of the argument. Because in fact it is still an argument. No one was at the beginning of life on earth. I may believe one thing and whole heartedly believe that view to be fact, however, I don't go around saying to the other side, "because you disagree, your argument is not legitimate. You are dumb. Do you know nothing? Etc." Yet for some reason, that's all I see people doing. Whether it is the creationists saying that evolutionists have no proof or it's evolutionists saying that creationists "did not even bother to retain the most general knowledge concerning scientific theory because of their beliefs" (that is an actual comment on the buzzfeed posted above. 

I AM TIRED OF IT.

Both sides have legitimate reasons for their beliefs. Yes, they are both beliefs. Neither can be stated as fact, because were you there? I think not.

But there is only proof for one! But there is no proof for the other! 

Come on.

I personally loved doing research on both sides when I was in high school. I found proof that supported creationism and I found proof that supported evolution. These people in this blog have EVERY RIGHT to express their doubts, questions, concerns, etc. And yes the people in the comments have every right to answer back. It's the way in which both sides are going about it that is breaking my heart.

Today, all I hear, everywhere is that we need to be open-minded. We need to support people in their decisions and their lifestyles and in who they are. However, there is a fundamental issue that keeps popping up in most of the posts I see on a daily basis (whether regarding creationism/evolution, homosexuality/heterosexuality, religion, race, gender, etc.):

In most of these cases, its not just an argument over human rights or the creation of the world or equality, it is a struggle between two (or more) core values of the different sides. What I mean by this is that we hear daily that we need to be open-minded, however, we attack those who don't support the opposite side.

I AM TIRED OF IT.

When you talk to an evolutionist, their core being, their core beliefs, and their knowledge, research, what have you, has created a center in them that sees evolution as fact. Whether right or wrong. It is at the center of who they are. Therefore, when someone tells them that they are wrong, it feels like an attack on them, on "science" (I put this in quotes because it is still a theory, as evolution cannot be concretely, definitively, and undoubtedly proven. No human has been around long enough to see it occur. No one was there at the Big Bang whether is what exploding particles or God speaking it into creation), on everything they believe to be truth, fact, solid, etc.

Then, you have the creationists. At their core is most of the time a belief in God, in the creation of the world (whether that is in 7, 24 hour days, or 7, 1000 year days),  in religion, etc. Therefore, at the very center of who they are, they believe, without doubt, that God created the universe and in many cases that evolution (all other forms of evolution except microevolution=minor changes in individual species to adapt to their environment, ex: the changing over several generations of a foxes' skin/fur color to blend in with snow or desert) is untrue and that creationism is fact. However, just as with evolution, creationism is a theory, for the same reasons as mentioned above. Both sides involve a belief that something occurred.

Anyway, I digress. I am sick of people calling those who have different core and central fundamental beliefs intolerant, bigoted, miss informed, stupid, heartless, uneducated, etc. In most cases, they do not hate the opposite side. They simply disagree. We preach accepting all people, people of different, well everything, people with different core values/beliefs, people with different political views, different sexual orientations, people with different views on science, people with different genders, races, etc. However, all I see now is acceptance of those who support everything. How is it possible to support everything? When we have so many different core beings in people, how can we ask them to support something completely contradictory to them? How can we ask them to say that they agree with something even if they don't? But above all else, if we are aiming for acceptance of everyone's every things, how can we not accept those who disagree with us? Even if we believe they are in the wrong? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, unless it is different than our own. Unless we think they are unintelligent, miss informed, clueless, wrong...

I AM TIRED OF IT.

I am tired of evolutionists calling creationists uneducated. I am tired of liberals calling conservatives unsupportive and heartless. I am tired of creationists calling evolutionists proof-less. I am tired of conservatives calling liberals socialist. I am tired of the way we as human beings are treating other human beings. I am tired of hearing people preach about equality only to have those who disagree with particular choices in life told that they are wrong (because everything we act on is a choice. Whether you act on your vices or you choose to support something you know is wrong or right or you decide that you want to experiment with who you are or whatever. Everything we physically do is a choice. I don't care if you internally/emotionally/mentally feel something, if you act on that feeling, it's a choice). I am tired of feeling like to say any opinion involves walking on eggshells because God forbid I say something insensitive or that doesn't jive with the majority at the moment. I am tired of feeling like I can't have my own opinion. I am tired of seeing people needlessly fight over issues that will always be a fight, because like I said, we are dealing with peoples' core values, which are not something easily changed. I am tired of feeling offended, attacked, slapped, bombarded, etc. I am tired of feeling like I have to hide my thoughts, my feelings, my observations. I am tired of people not loving one another for who they are regardless of the differences between us all. I am tired of having to choose sides, because choosing sides means that everyone loses.

I AM TIRED OF IT.

This post may hint at my core, at my beliefs, at my opinions, etc. But honestly, I just needed to vent, without judgement, because I am tired of the judgement. I believe in love. I believe in its power to heal the deep cut wounds that these controversies have caused. I believe it has unique power to overcome.

I believe that this can get better. I just hope that others do too.

Thanksgivukkah 2013

Holy Cow, I never posted about Thanksgiving, let alone the past three months... woops.

I guess better late than never right?

From November:

I forgot to mention that the Thanksgiving dinner I went to was also the second night of Hanukkah and so our feast included latkas, apple sauce and challah as well as the usually delicacies of Thanksgiving. As most of you, my random followers, know, I was having a really rough time of it for a while there. Thanksgiving was absolutely incredible. Here's how it unfolded...

Full Plate

Virginie, my roommate, and I pre-made two pumpkin pies and headed over to Ilana's apartment to see how we could help as well as put our pies in the oven. The group was quite eclectic. We had three Americans, a Canadian, a French girl, some Italians, and a Colombian girl. I feel as though I might be missing someone, but to be fair it's been a while. Anyway, Ilana and Alexa sang their Hanukkah songs, lit some candles, and we sat down and proceeded to explain how Americans do Thanksgiving to the others. They had asked us what went first, second, etc. and we all just laughed and said, "Fill up your plate with a little of everything, then dig in." Overall the night was super fun with lots of discussion and eating and eating and talking and eating. The pumpkin pie went over really well too!

Breaking the Wishbone

I'm not really sure what else to write... It was delicious, the company was wonderful, and we shared some American culture of food and family far from home with friends from all over.

 I am so thankful for Ilana and Alexa hosting. I am thankful for the delicious food and wonderful company that made being far from home during Thanksgiving much better. I am thankful for the friendships that have grown both because of and since that night. <3